Evanescence

The incessant downpour slows down. But it’s still raining, though lightly, as I can say from the pattering sound on the tin sheet that manages to house a crowd of people stuck there like me. I am wary of the proximity of people around me, coz Covid-19 still does exist; so I adjust my mask for the zillionth time, checking if it covers my nose as much as possible. I’ve been waiting at the bus stop for almost an hour now, but there’s no bus on my route at this time. And the cab fares are staggeringly high today.

So, I decide to wait a little longer, looking at the second hand of my watch and at the drizzle next. A bus arrives, but unfortunately, it’s not the right one. The crowd dissolves in no time. I sigh. This happens quite often, so I’m disappointed but not surprised.

The rains stop, and after a while I can see the reflection of the sunlight on the puddles. The sky is clearing away, and the weather feels soothing on an otherwise humid day. The gentle pink evening sky encompassing the buildings, the distant city lights coming back to life and my numb mind after hours of classes today make me almost miss the bus that had arrived a moment ago. 

Luckily, I get a window seat and I plug in my earphones to immerse myself in some good music. I watch the beautiful sky, the twinkling city lights, the well-lit skyrises. I don’t know why but it feels so magical, I can barely describe it. So I don’t even try, and instead try to soak in to the mystical feel. 

It’s just the perfect atmosphere to get lost into your thoughts, immersed into music, eyes watching the pink sky – and so I do, leaning against the window sill, I fall into a reverie, gazing pensively at the charismatic sky beckoning to me in the distance. I see kids, young couples and lovebirds enjoying the weather as they walk on the streets- closing their umbrellas, jumping and splashing on water puddles,  laughing heartily and living the most of their lives.

Their way of living struck me as profoundly beautiful. There's something simple in that - something that makes my fingertips itch and my heart sink. I've missed that feeling - the feeling people probably call as being in love, whether it's being in love with someone, or with the weather, or with just about anything that make us happy. 

Yeah, love is in the air. I can feel it...

I guess we all lost someone or something that made us happy once and we yearn for it, letting our broken hearts a chance to get shattered into a million pieces again and be vulnerable. But it’s okay- hoping a little bit, right? Helps keep life interesting.

The time passes by quietly, as the bus starts speeding up the way local buses in Kolkata usually do. If you haven’t travelled on one, you’re definitely missing out on a lot, or precisely speaking, on the speed.

But it doesn’t even matter- the speed, distance, time, anything really. Perhaps I was too tired to process them, but for the time being, I felt content just watching the lovely sky from the window pane.

 

Suddenly the bus decelerates, making my twisted head hit the iron rail of the seat in front of me, and for a second, it feels like everything has come to a halt. Nah, it’s not because of being hit on the head, it’s the sight out of the window at that moment which catches my breath.

At that moment, another speeding bus, headed for the opposite direction grazes past us, and at that moment I see her, and those pair of blue eyes…And I know I have seen those eyes before; they seemed so very familiar -those blue eyes and the cool hue that make me get lost in them- as if it’s the vast ocean. Time really does pause for a moment, and as the buses pass, our eyes connect and stay fixated.

Her blue eyes flicker just a little, and I feel she knows me too, coz nobody’s eyes would light up on seeing any random stranger going on a bus. Yes, eyes do speak words that you probably never say. But that’s just about it – I can’t recognize her anymore coz she’s wearing a mask and I’m wearing one too…

And it’s like somebody has pressed the play button already. Time speeds up, the buses cross each other and head off their ways. But I lean my head out of the window, looking back; trying to decipher whose eyes they reminded me of and I realize she’s looking back too, probably figuring out the answer to the same thought.

 

The bus goes far away into the distance but I keep looking, until it’s silhouette disappears as well. Those blue eyes leave a lasting impression upon me, and I wonder who she was, and where I had seen them before.

Even after getting back home, my mind stays disturbed and keeps drifting away. I try to forget those eyes and dismiss that moment as a mere misconception, but something about them makes me agree to disagree. To keep myself busy, I try to study a bit. Doesn’t work. Take a short nap. Still doesn’t work either. 

And I know I’m too disturbed to do anything, and I wanna know who she was and reassure myself none of that was a misconception, that it was probably her, with whom I had lost contact since I had switched schools some time back. It had to be…When our eyes connected, I really thought it was her.

I open my window and watch the stars in the clear night sky. They look just like your twinkling eyes, only your eyes are a lot more bluer. Remember when we first met at the library and we unknowingly picked up the same book at the same time? You had blushed gently, and our eyes stay fixed at each other, and only after a while did we realize we were holding the same book. And the fuss we had made over who should take it. Gosh, I can never forget the first time my eyes met yours. I love the way they shine the way they do. 

This time, I try to sketch her, those blue eyes flickering and the mask covering the rest of her face as she looks at me through the window of the bus. It takes time to sketch, and I get absorbed in it. Eventually, my mind calms down.

I'm glad the sketch resembles her. And I hope a little more.  I really do. At least we're in the same city, and I'm pretty sure we would meet someday, when destiny decides it's time for our paths to cross again...

                                                           ------------x-------------

Thanks for reading!! Drop a comment below if you liked it or found it relatable. I would love to hear your reviews!!

If you liked the sketch, visit my friend Aritra's Instagram page ( https://instagram.com/tyflos_zografos?igshid=lt0rmf9dz8q4) for more amazing sketches.

Her Last Letter

Spring time…It’s on it’s way…The season when life -as I knew back then, was slowly coming back to life itself. The days were getting longer and warmer and more pleasant, the sky was getting bluer than ever and the dry leaves were slowly getting replaced by the lush green ones.

So yeah, on one of those fine spring mornings I was cleaning up my room and arranging books and stuffs to be discarded in cardboard boxes, when I came across this diary. Wiping the dust off, I took it out in the warm sunshine and treaded my hands slowly on it’s cover. I remembered; this was one of those many things I couldn’t find after my family moved in here to Kanpur.

Shifting to a new place and getting settled does take time and lots of things get misplaced, and I knew that, but all the same I was happy and relieved to find it. I opened it, to find carefully stuck between the now yellow pages some of my old photographs when I was a kid, some of my childhood drawings-faded and filled with smudges, some more photographs of my high school days, some contact numbers, some colorful study notes, some greeting cards, letters sent to me on my birthdays…

Flipping through the pages-accompanied by an exquisite smell only found in really old books brought a rare sense of delight and nostalgia, but not until had I gone through the last page did a sudden, unprecedented gust of wind blow away one letter out into the garden.

I rushed out into the garden and caught hold of it, afraid of letting it go, lest it fly away far off. I opened the envelope, and took out the letter, and a few photographs that were with it. I glanced at the contents of the letter and read those few lines written on it with that beautiful handwriting…That same handwriting I had known for so many years…

And then, as if struck by a lightning bolt- it all hit me by a flash. I reread the letter, saw the same handwriting I was so familiar with, and that name I could never, ever forget.

And those were not just some lines- they spoke about the pain and anguish that led them to be here on this letter, but I, I was not able to understand it when this letter reached me

 

That, forever was perhaps, not in our destiny. . .

 

It’s like I’m back in time- caught in a thought spiral, again…

That fine spring day when I was walking on the way back to home after my extra classes. Plugging in my earphones and getting immersed in a song put on repeat, I kept going – giving company to the otherwise quiet and solitary path, which was now covered by maple leaves.

And that’s when I had stopped…

Coz somebody had blocked my way with a bicycle. I looked up and there you were, giving an ever so gentle smile like the sunshine. That one day back in spring, when our lives brought the two of us together. And all of a sudden, you had said – “It's such a lovely day, right? Let’s walk together!!”

I was taken aback as this was quite unexpected, and I had told you not to bother about me. But you had given me a sullen look, got down from your bicycle and accompanied me nevertheless. A couple of times, we had glanced at each other- remarking how beautiful the day was- the golden sunshine bearing down upon us and the uneven gravel path decorated by the dry leaves scattered upon it.

Turned out both of us were definitely not good at conversations, but I wasn’t alone at least. And I knew something like that would happen, since we never talked much, but it didn’t matter at all, because we were treading on the same path together and admiring about the same weather- which was more than I could ask for. And I noticed, your eyes seemed to sparkle and glisten all the time. In that moment, every step we took, everything I saw and heard, everything I felt – the world around me took on colors in a way I never thought it could. 

And I was glad you had refused and accompanied me that spring day, treading on the same path together and admiring the weather with me. It really meant a lot…

 

We never really talked, but that didn’t matter much, right? There really are some things that get across, even without saying them out loud. Anybody can talk to you, but having someone who perceives the world the same way you do – that is something special and prized. Finding wonders in the everyday things around us, even without talking much, and enjoying every trivial moment we had spent together – it’s as if I’m watching some movie scenes on repeat…

And the numerous nights we used to hit the roads at top speed with our bicycles and cameras in hand, pursuing the stars and the moon with no idea where we were headed to - it was just us and our bicycles chasing them with all our might, trying to capture the star-studded sky. Wasn’t it wonderful, the moon shining down upon us, watching the stars twinkle and glitter like diamonds against the rich silver-blue of the night sky – just like the way your eyes sparkled?

And those endless hours spent at the local library, going through the multitude of novels and picking out our favorite ones, sipping a cup of coffee and reading them, scribbling notes and inspiring lines- what about them?

Sitting on the swing, watching the sun dip quietly across the riverside, feeling the warm spring air, listening to the distant sounds of the city – did you forget those moments we spent together?

 

Do you think you can just FORGET? Is it really that easy?

No way!! I can never forget about us – those memories are precious to me, and I hope they are for you too…You stopped my way that fine spring day, and gave me a little reason to be happy…How can I ever forget?

 

And just like that gust of wind that tried to blow the letter, just like how unexpectedly you had come into my life – another gust of wind blows, carrying the fallen dry leaves along with itself and snapping me back to reality. 

I close my eyes and picture you on your bicycle, waiting in the distance. I open them, and find that the wind has gone- just the way you had quietly left, and has taken all the fallen leaves with itself- but there’s no you. I reach out my hands in the open, walking a few steps ahead - asking you to come back and accompany me, but I realize you are not here by my side.

But the letter’s still there with me, firmly held. I remember the last thing you told me while we were watching the sunset near the riverside. You had given me this letter and before I could say something, I noticed that your eyes had lost the sparkle I was so familiar with, and I had frozen, coz I felt something was not right. Tears had begun welling up on your eyes, and you had told

 

“You should better be going back…It’s gonna rain…Take care…”

 

The sky was clear enough and there was no way it could rain. And when I looked towards you, you had already started running away. I tried to catch up but you didn’t stop for a second, you just took your bicycle and sped away, not looking back even once or listening to my shouts…

 

The sunshine has now lost it’s warmth. In fact, it’s even fading away. The once scattered leaves enveloping the green grass are now gone. I clench the letter in my hands- afraid to let it go. I look up at the fading pink sky, fighting off tears of my own and I finally get what she meant.

 

“Yeah, you were right. It’s beginning to rain, and I should get back…”